she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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