member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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