I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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