Your face is a jimmy john
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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