the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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