I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
where am i from again
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
