summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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