my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
