Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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