I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
