I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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