im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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