I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
