Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
