the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
