You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
