don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
