He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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