My liver just broke up with me...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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