I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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