I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I will pee on everything he values.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
