Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pooping to opera.
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