what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
