Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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