Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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