Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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