Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
