So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
