I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
