This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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