Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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