My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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