Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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