Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
