Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize