Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
