She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
