Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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