In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Say something about gay babies.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
