Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
