Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
