you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
