yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
