Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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