is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
