I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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