woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
