this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize