so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
