The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
