are you so shy because you have an std?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
