i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Come see our sink grown plant.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
