dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
