dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
