So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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