I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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