i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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