If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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