What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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