It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
