we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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