I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
